Practicing to include all beings
As I was thinking about giving this way seeking mind talk I thought, “Should I start at the very beginning?” I still feel like I’m at the beginning, so I’ll just talk about what’s going to my practice right now.
The theme for what is going on in my practice right now is asking, “Does this practice really include all beings? Specifically, am I practicing in a way that includes all beings? If I am excluding others, what needs to unfold so that I can include all beings? Are we as a sangha and mahasangha collectively practicing in a manner that intentionally or unintentionally excludes others? If so, what needs to unfold to create inclusion?”
To explain how I came to these questions is to know that I came to practice through the community of Shasta Abbey, a Soto Zen training monastery in northern California. The monks of Shasta Abbey truly give the Dharma freely which allowed me to attend a number of retreats, take the precepts, and train there in residency for a few months one summer. It felt as though a magnet found its strong metal when I came to practice at Shasta Abbey. The vulnerability and sensitivity that is present in practicing together is beautiful and I did not question the safety of it (my way seeking mind talk on checking my privilege is forthcoming).
A few years later when it was shared with the wider community that the abbot in residence at that time had resigned over sexual and spiritual abuse of the sangha during his final years in his position, it was devastating news to me as it was to many who were affiliated with the Shasta Abbey sangha. Learning about the abbot’s choices which caused harm to others was problematic, and that was compounded by appreciating that his choices were supported by the ways in which the sangha functioned. Specifically, the ways in which precepts were observed and interpreted around not speaking ill of others silenced people who came forward, as well as the teacher-student relationship dynamic and failure of appropriate response of senior monks. The abbey shared the Faith Trust Institute report and recommendations summary where this is all summarized clearly.
In short, the sangha functioned in much the same way as society functions when it comes to facilitating sexual abuse and abuses of power through privilege, silencing, and unchecked power.
I couldn’t accept that spiritual and sexual abuse could happen in the sangha. Obviously it does happen. I was angry and broken hearted. I didn’t like what happened, I didn’t want it, and I didn’t want to be a part of it. It triggered my own sexual assault and trauma history, which I also don’t like and don’t want.
Over the years as I have sat with these circumstances, I came to appreciate that I held a number of beliefs that were problematic. It’s not exactly like I Marie Kondo’ed these beliefs, but these seemingly benign beliefs were definitely not bringing joy. Here’s the shortlist:
- I held a belief that the sangha was separate from causing this kind of hurt. This fantasy that I didn’t realized I cherished was really painful.
- I put monks and priests on pedestals, treating them as separate, which is a problematic illusion. It has been a delicate balance for me to express gratitude for teachers, appreciating that teachers hold space for practice, without tipping into a place of putting priests and monks on pedestals as separate special people.
- I thought somehow taking vows, taking precepts, gave us super powers. To be clear, although this has never kept me from breaking them, I had hoped that it would keep monks for breaking them (see “putting monks and priests on pedestals” above). I have come to appreciate that monk-ing or priest-ing or Naomi-ing is not separate from being a person and none of us are separate from causing suffering. We’re all in it together.
- Part of arriving at not rejecting others and the things I don’t like in myself, has been understanding that the ways we cause harm are not separate from practice or enlightenment. Dōgen writes that practice and enlightenment are one. They are not separate, so causing harm is not separate. It is all practice and part of Thich Nhat Hanh’s “No mud, no lotus.”
Dōgen offered in Receiving the Marrow by Bowing [Raihai Tokuzui], his lecture addressing why women should be included in practice, “If you exclude those who have broken precepts, you may exclude all bodhisattvas. If you exclude those who may break precepts in the future, you may exclude all bodhisattvas who arouse the aspiration for enlightenment. If you exclude them in such a way, you need to exclude everyone. How then can Buddha Dharma be actualized?”
Dōgen’s aspirations for inclusion sparked questions for me, “What are we up to if we show up to practice to exclude others, including precept breaking abbots? What have I really been up to in trying to reject [my life, the abbot at Shasta, all the other things]? What are we all really up to in this practice?”
When my Dad died in 2013, just a few years later, the illusion of safety in my world disappeared (also on the shortlist of not-so-benign beliefs). My dad was my soft landing place, my refuge, and when he died I felt refuge-less. I didn’t have the energy to be concerned about abbots who abuse power or the ways everything fell apart in my heart with zen organizations; all there was, was practice.
In Lion’s Roar recently Lama Willa Miller’s article Breaking the Silence on Sexual Misconduct wrote, “It may be that the deepest teachings are not the ones transmitted in the dharma hall but rather the life experiences that challenge everything we believed to be true. When everything falls apart, we are impelled to find… an inner dharma of the heart’s own truth.”
It was when my heart was shattered and so many things I believed to be true got so completely in the way that I took practice into my bones in a way I hadn’t before. As though before I approached practice like the monks held my practice, which became another seemingly benign belief to quietly release.
I can now feel the sadness and deeply sad impact of all that unfolded for the Shasta community, for all of us for in these layers of suffering rippling out from harmful actions. The bad stuff is here, the good stuff is here, it’s all here. And to make space for that in our hearts is the practice in a way that includes all beings. If zen is to free all beings from suffering, to be in service of all beings, it’s not just some beings and not others and maybe us if we’re well behaved and eat all of our vegetables, if we’re here to save all beings, we can’t reject them for causing harm. No matter how bad it was. I have come to see how trying to reject the events at Shasta was causing more problems for me, perpetuating more problems, and that rejection is not the point and causes more problems.
For my own practice, I continue to ask whether I am truly practicing to include all beings and have brought that question to the organization of zen, “Does this practice really include all beings? Who are we excluding? What cherished beliefs live in zen that we all need to see, then let go of, to include all beings?”
Because Shasta was not special in the ways in which it replicated the power, privilege, and silencing that we see in this larger US society every day. Zen practice, through the structure of organizations and implementation of teaching and practice, is excluding lots of people and this requires our attention, effort, and transformation. Not just Asian Buddhists (your words are loved and missed and your work will continue, Aaron Lee), or other people of color, or people with disabilities or other numberless beings. I’m not alone in this concern. The statement of recognition and repentance that emerged from the recent Soto Zen Buddhist Association conference is a clear acknowledgement, accounting of complicity in oppression, and the bodhisattva vow to work to undo and transform systems of oppression:
As individuals, as a sangha, and on behalf of all who came before us, we atone for our participation in all systems that perpetuate domination, violence, greed, disrespect, and unfairness. We pledge ourselves to overcoming these forces in ourselves and in the world for the benefit of all sentient beings, victims as well as perpetrators.
So, let’s get started.